relativity

you saved me. you should remember me.

long horses we are born
creatures more than torn
mourning our way home

-- for martha

well, but before i get ahead of myself, i need to get these four weeks in proper order before i head to india in december for one whole month. quite partial to the idea of spending both festive seasons there this year -- should be more memorable than the ones i've had the past... ten years.

it took me and my parents 23 years of nonchalence and indifference to realise how much we couldn't live without each other. and (i'm hoping this doesn't sound too banal) how much i love them. that it must be one of the most heartbreaking things to do, handing your daughter $4k overnight within 10 minutes notice because she wants to see the world. trying their best to smile through cracks of despair at their daughter who thinks about leaving all the time.

after sagas and sagas of disappointing friendships and superficial relationships, it is time i learn to transport every ounce of love i have/had for them and multiply it a dozen times on my family.

a kiss is not a kiss without your

sigh

i need to sleep. i need juice. when i have enough money and authority to move out i'll make sure my fridge is stocked up proper with every kind of juice imaginable. and no, fruit tree fresh will not do for orange juice, the only supermarket brand of orange juice my snooty fridge will house is Florida's. please. i'll get a little sugar high just from seeing the amount of pulp in there alone.

oh and if you're like me, 23, going past your shelf life, bored, and sometimes achingly paranoid, go get yourselves a mammogram.

get me on twitter if you guys've got one. these days my thoughts come out in scraps hitting each other so nastily they form ugly collages of awkward expressions. 140 characters is a way of keeping them raw and it beats tarnishing them with inadequate structures too. hardly a form of narcissism if you ask me.

(pretty sure that's going to be debatable at some point though.)


@maybekody

YA I'M TACKY SO.




在一起越来越久
开始会对你在乎
这感觉我们都明白
只要你在身边
日子就亮起来

grad trip plans are underway, so are that of summer school and postgraduate studies. joel says i'll die from depression and loneliness and i'll start eating my own shoe if i do europe alone but i'm so picky who i travel with i think i'd die from any of the above anyway if i had an uninspiring travel buddy.

yesterday in school somebody passed me a disposable camera to link me up with 26 other strangers through our impressions of Home. that was a lovely way to start a dreadful week so as much as procrastination is a habitual bug, i'm going to go to a certain junction in tampines sometime this week on a weekday this week ("sometime" legitimizes procrastination!) to get a picture. the effect that place had on my formative years is irrevocable because despite having only spent 3 years as a toddler in residence there plus another 3 as an irresponsible tween in Tampines mall, the familiarity is so fond it's hard to disassociate it with anything else other than Home.

having said that, i hope everybody has a place they can't wait to go home to, as well, everytime they're feeling displaced and abandoned -- i sure as hell am glad i have got mine.

because we all agree that technology and advancement are getting hopelessly contrived, will you write me a postcard later and draw me a picture of yourself with a crayon? because i promise i will keep them well and safe in my cabinet and make sure they never get backspaced.

this must be christy turlington's best picture ever.

at the risk of sounding totally kitschy, i know i could do with a couple of these charming lamps for some light in my life and some scintillating action at night.












(uhh, iLamp much)

i am frivolous. then i feel guilty

how many ways can you say
goodbye?

i really like that you cover my bases, all the time.

today i had a Heart to Heart talk with a new friend by the stairwell in some dingy corner in school with a pack between us we talked till the chatter broke and we left each other to catch her bus. sometimes i feel ashamed for having good conversations.

i wish i would quit being so random then perhaps there would be some vague resemblance to an order in my life.

.. just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
running over the same old ground.
what have you found? the same old fears.

wish you were here.

all theories
like clichés
shot to hell,
all these small faces
looking up
beautiful and believing;
I wish to weep
but sorrow is
stupid.
I wish to believe
but belief is a
graveyard.
we have narrowed it down to
the butcherknife and the
mockingbird.
wish us
luck.

colourful people are funny. note this is not a racist comment. "don't send me something so esoteric and then run away". it is 1.30 am. how much time do you have left? chinese/english. try to remember how december melted september's fire. do you remember Earthworm Jim? please do not cry. one day you will learn to love a stranger.

these conversations
these conversations
these conversations

how do i impose more weight? how do i frame it deservingly? and how do i not trivialize it?

this is such a peculiar situation.

i wish i could write more, anything more, be it relevant or irrelevant. but with 4 hours of sleep and a night out in the rain this is the most my flagging mind can make out for now.